The Novel Idea

I’ll spare you my Ted Baxter ‘It all started in a little 5,000-watt radio station in Fresno’ origin story about how I came to be writing fiction over the past six years except to say, mid-way through 2016, I was wholly dissatisfied with the state of the city and this blog I’d been operating since 2010. Toronto had been seized by status quo maintenance, a return to normal, normal being relentless lip service paid to growing problems of unaffordability, inequality, crumbling infrastructure, malignant, mis-policing, etc., etc., ad nauseum. Never mind all that, we were told. What about our low property tax rates and all those cranes in the sky!

And my little contribution to the ongoing discourse? An empty howling into the void of this misguided political smugness. Continue reading

The Mayor’s True Colours

If you’re one of those people who think our city councillors are underworked and overpaid, I highly recommend that you attend a council meeting or two to disabuse you of such inaccurate notions. While just the tip of the iceberg of what their job description, meetings are grinds with as much, if not more, going on behind the scenes as what we see performed out in the open. Yes, you can point to the laggards, those not actively engaged and who would receive failing grades for class participation. I’d be willing to bet that for many of those, the parry and thrust of debate simply is not their forte. They excel in the multitude of other duties councillors are responsible for. And then there’s Cesar Palacio. I kid. I kid. I’m sure every council needs an invisible non-entity taking up space.

Council meetings can also be extraordinarily engrossing to witness. They’re like visual variations on the Pixies song structure. slowslowFASTFASTslowslowFASTslowFASTslowslow. Nothing happens. Nothing happens. Languor and stultifying boredom. Interminable talk about meal breaks. And then, the proposed schedule comes up for a vote and the seemingly innocuous ‘expedited budget process’ lying there within, suddenly mayhem breaks loose. Amendments start flying. Staff is summoned. Councillors scramble to and fro. Points of order demanded. Points of privilege taken. Rhubarb-rhubarb-rhuarb. Rhubarb-rhubarb-rhuarb. And then… calm. Repeat as many times as necessary. Vote. Adjourn.

Now it’s entirely possible that yesterday’s meeting was something of an anomaly. Uncharacteristically fraught with political machinations, the first skirmishes of a new council that has undergone a radical shift from centre-left to far right. Like a couple boxers in the early rounds of a fight, feeling each other out with jabs and some fancy footwork to find weaknesses and vulnerabilities in their opponents.

Opponents? you say. The election is over. City council should be a place where there is a coming together. A meeting of minds to hash out and seek to solve the problems of the city. Leave your partisanship at the door, buckos. Time to roll up your sleeves and get down to the business of building a better Toronto.

Well, no. While City Hall has never been free of politics (especially since amalgamation), this session is shaping up to take the discord to a whole new level. Starting with the executive committee and working down, senior posts in the Ford Administration are exclusively occupied by right wing councillors. More importantly, they are also almost entirely from the suburbs, meaning that on vital, big ticket matters like the police service and budget, there are no voices from downtown at the committee level. No geographic input for voters who didn’t hop aboard the anti-gravy train train.

And no, before you even try blurting it out, David Miller did not do the same thing (exhibit A: his 1st budget chief was a Scarborough councillor from the right of centre who supported Miller’s rival, John Tory in the 2003 election.) Neither did Mel Lastman so nakedly and insecurely pack his committees with such slavish loyalty for that matter.

On day 1, it worked for Mayor Ford. As he crowed to the Globe’s Kelly Grant, “We got everything we wanted.” Yep. Everything came up Ford on Thursday but not without some surprisingly strong pushback from a group of councillors led by Adam Vaughan, Gord Perks and Janet Davis over the ‘expedited budget process’ that the mayor is pushing, hidden within the council schedule proposal. When amendments were offered to give more time for council to sort through budget matters between scheduled meetings and to hear from the public, Team Ford scrambled hard to get just enough votes to send the amendments to the Executive Committee where they will in all likelihood die an ignominious death. A couple squeakers should give pause to the mayor’s machine that it just might not be as invincible as it thinks it is. Although, judging by the 5 hours or so I sat in council chambers, the mayor hasn’t surrounded himself with many of the reflective types.

No, the mayor’s team in council seems to consist of bitter ideologues more interested in exacting revenge for their exclusion from power during the Miller years than they are dealing with the problems of the city. In fact, a noticeable waft of anti-democracy hangs about them. During the debate over public input on the city budget, the Deputy Mayor, Doug Holyday, opined that deputations were largely for those wanting to get their face on cable television. Giorgio Mammoliti chided those councillors fighting for proper and extended public input for representing wards where their constituents were little more than public organizers. “The trouble with processes with lots of time in them, is that they allow people to organize,” the councillor griped. What?! The people organized! Well, that just won’t do.

All of which flies in the face of Mayor Ford’s open and transparent City Hall promise on the campaign trail. His ‘expedited budget process’ seems dodgy and unnecessary. Their claim of merely seeking to eventually shift it to a January 1st-December 31st timeline has as many minuses as it does pluses. The haste in wanting to get the budget wrapped up by the end of February (rather than the usual April) appears to be driven more by stealth than any sort of respect for the taxpayers.

Of course, that seems absolutely preposterous. Rob Ford campaigned on a platform of looking out for the little guy. Surely, his objective now that he’s in office wouldn’t be to exclude them from such an important civic matter as the budget. Because that would mean that within less than one council meeting, he’s already broken one of his main election platforms. Clearly, I must be jumping the gun.

stealthily submitted by Cityslikr

On Vampires, Lindsay Lohan and Modern Cowboys

Another week gone and another 7 days of disappointment piled upon the death pyre of our lives as my bipolar stepchild is fond of saying before breaking out into a full blown, Ethel Merman-esque version of The Pixies’ Wave of Mutilation. It’s not nearly as gruesome or awkward as it sounds. While many a music scholar have traced the whole quietLOUDquiet sensibility to Frank Black and friends, I think it’s a style not unfamiliar to Merman fans. Although hers may be more of a LOUDLOUDLOUD(TheEnd)quiet kind of phrasing.

With the week at an end, let’s open up our readers’ mail bag and comments — that is to say, comment, as in one. Come on, people! It’s an open forum here, meant to encourage a stimulating back-and-forth. If I wanted to continue creating in a vacuum, I would’ve kept writing for the theatre!

OK, let’s see. Jason wrote: Can you please write about modern day cowboys? Or Vampires? Or Lindsay Lohan???? Seriously though, nice work. I really enjoy your writing style.

That’s very nice of you to say, Jason who, I swear upon my other stepchild’s grave, is a complete and utter stranger to me. I really enjoy your writing style too. I’m sure your work is nice as well if I had any idea what it was you do which I absolutely don’t.

As for modern day cowboys, I don’t know much about them, I’m afraid. The last one I really paid any attention to was McCloud way back in the `70s. He was a cowboy cop from New Mexico who patrolled the streets of New York on horseback for some reason. Part of NBCs Sunday Mystery Movie rotation, I will admit to being more partial to the crumpled charm of Columbo and the witty spousal banter of Susan Saint James and Rock Hudson in McMillan and Wife.

Funny I should mention Rock Hudson because I suddenly remembered other modern day cowboys. Those two fellas from that movie a few years ago, Brokeback Mountain.

I don’t have much more to say about vampires either. Although I do wish that there would be more formal rules as to what they can and can’t do, what will or will not kill them and does being dead increase one’s numeracy or is The Count on Sesame Street just good with numbers? Right now, I find it all so willy-nilly. Some vampires are instantaneously reduced to ashes with the merest touch of a single ray of sunlight while a hat, sunglasses and SPF 50 sunblock will allow other vampires to roam freely during business hours. It seems that the utility of crosses in the defense against the blood-sucking undead is entirely contingent upon a vampire’s religious convictions. If they believe in heaven and hell and all that hooey, they’re not that crazy about crucifixes while their atheistic brethren can squeeze a diamond crusted cross into a lump of coal with their icy cold bare hands.

A little consistency is all I’m asking for when it comes to vampires.

In addition to which, I think in the real world vampire ranks would be more filled with elderly and middle-aged vampires than the younger, buffer, hotter set. My reasoning? Youngsters already think they’re going to live forever. Why bother going through the whole dying and rebirthing stage? It’s for those whom the end is in sight that immortality would be more appealing. I’m 85?! Won’t somebody drain me of my blood and bring me back to life? Please! I’ve got a bum ticker? Hell, bring on the everlasting life, dawg.

Although I do see that if the vampire legions were swollen by droves of randy old coots there might be a run on the young bucks and nubiles. I mean, as an elderly vampire, are you really going to waste your time and superhuman strength and speed hunting old people like yourself? Yeah, probably not.

Re: Lindsay Lohan. Well, aside from me thinking that she may well be a vampire herself, I think LL occupies plenty of cyberspace without me weighing in. But for all the latest news and gossip, there’s no better place than in my humble opinion.

So thank you, Jason, for your comment. I hope I was able to shed some much needed light on the subject of vampires, Lindsay Lohan and modern day cowboys. I encourage all you readers out there to let us here at All Fired Up in the Big Smoke know what’s on your mind. Our door is always open, 24/7.

hungrily submitted by Cityslikr