Tag Archives: Heart attacks

Don’t Bug Us. It’s Super Bowl Sunday.

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No real posting today as we are already deep into the Super Bowl pre-game festivities. I believe Acaphlegmic may have spiked his homemade nacho cheese concoction with something unsavory that he purchased from a chemistry colleague at the unlicensed place of higher education at which he teaches. The mind wanders. Focus is hard to maintain. How long have we been at this? It seems like hours. Maybe days.

In the endless haze I seem to remember something about Etobicoke councilor Rob Ford mulling over a run for mayor. A nebulous poll placing him 3rd among possible contenders. Can’t be. Rob Ford for mayor? Hee, hee, hee. That’s too.. too.. ridiculous to even contemplate. Hee, hee. Maybe Rocco Rossi’s people put him up to it in order to make their candidate seem less crazy? Hee, hee, hee. Ha, ha, ha.

Ooops. I think I may have peed a little nacho cheese. What’s in that stuff?

Prediction: once more the Super Bowl will not be as exciting as the Grey Cup game and it’ll be 33-21, Colts over the Saints 31-17, Saints over the Colts. Pardon the typo.

And Rob Ford for mayor. Hee, hee, hee. Hee, hee.

— freakily submitted by Cityslikr

Road Trip!

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For all you readers out there building to a tizzy about the upcoming weekend, pictures of settling in with no interruptions like work to read the latest from us here at All Fired Up in the Big Smoke dancing in your heads, bad news I’m afraid. There will be no posts until Monday as we’re off on a grand adventure. A fact finding mission, if you will, deep into the privileged, upscale, rarefied heart of Caledon.

What?!? You?? Caledon!?! I hear you saying. Yes, yes. We’re as surprised as anyone but the opportunity arose and we seized it.

Funny story.

A couple weeks back we managed to snag ourselves a very tangential invite to a 50th birthday party at a house in one of the tonier parts of town. The word ‘crashed’ was thrown about initially but the fact of the matter is that we knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy. And after the first half hour or so, we were able to blend right in, what with all of us sporting our khaki chinos and blue button down, smartly pressed yet still casual Van Heusens.

No fear, dear readers. We comported ourselves well, eventually coming to the notice of the hostess who seemed to gradually thaw in the face of our scruffy charms. I think she was especially taken by my esteemed colleague, Acaphlegmic. How could she not as he held court in the kitchen party portion of the proceedings with bang on impressions of the premiers of Ontario? His Leslie Frost absolutely killed!!

Numbers and addresses were exchanged and all of us 3 invited up and out to the birthday girl’s country house this weekend for a couple days of chardonnay, cigars and a few games of polo (I hope, I hope, I hope!!). We’ll be bringing a turducken with all the fixins for dinner on Saturday. A report will be filed on our findings next week.

So use the time off constructively, people. Brush up on the older posts and get yourself up to speed with All Fired Up in the Big Smoke. There may be a pop quiz on Monday.

Toodles!

— self-importantly submitted by Urban Sophisticat

A Saturday Funny (sort of)

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Dear Cityslikr,

Re: your post from yesterday. A little joke:

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink whatever you like. It’s speaking English that kills you.

In other words, correlation does not imply causation. I’m sure Mr. Tory had other reasons for deciding not to run for mayor aside from your enmity toward his possible candidacy.

Just keeping it real, yo.

— statistically submitted by Acaphelgmic