We didn’t want to spring it on you like this but there just wasn’t a good time to tell you. If it wasn’t yet another boffo gaffe of Rob Ford’s to talk about or the province flipping us the bird again, there was always Rocco Rossi lurching around, making completely inane policy statements that inevitably ended with him selling Toronto Hydro. What exactly does the guy have against Toronto Hydro anyway that he wants to unload it so badly?

To cut to the chase, we’re off to China today.

I know, I know. It sounds exotic but in these days of air travel? We’re there, we’re back before you can say Chiang Kai-shek (although I do realize that’s a name we won’t be saying out loud while we’re there). It’s not like the old days when there was only a slow boat to China. Direct flight, 13 hours or so, Toronto-Shanghai.

Pure research, you understand. Officially entitled the Asian Urban Experience. We prefer the acronym, A. U. E. Sounds a little more weighty and less like some world beat musical group.

The downside of all this, however, is that only two of us are able to make the trip. Seems a certain someone had a Tibetan  incident and is now considered by the Chinese authorities to be persona non grata (unsure how that’s written in Mandarin. Or Cantonese for that matter. Or do they use the same script but different pronunciation? We really have to break out our Lonely Planet China guide sometime soon.) We’re leaving Acaphlegmic holding down the fort, is what we’re saying.

This fills us with as much dread as it does you, I imagine. Irresponsible doesn’t even begin to cover it! Who do you know that’s had a ‘Tibetan  incident’?

He frequently… OK… invariably blows past deadlines. We’re always editing… OK… writing his posts. Truth be told, we’re not even sure he knows how to turn on the computer. Yet, who else are we going to turn to to keep you apprised of all that is political in Toronto? We’ve asked… OK… begged, pleaded, supplicated ourselves at the feet of our superiors for them to fill in and post on our site only to be rebuffed by the cruelest cut of all. Do I know you?

So, it may be slim pickens from us here at All Fired Up in the Big Smoke for the next 10 days or so. Oh, we’ll make sure that the regular Friday Meet A Mayoral Candidate post appears but aside from that, it’s tough to tell. There may be free and easy access to the outside world or maybe not. We tend to expect the worst and then we’re rarely ever disappointed and find ourselves very pleasantly surprised every now and then. I think that’s how Confucius instructed us on how to live our lives happily.

Whatever happens, things will be back to normal here around Victoria Day weekend. Regardless of the profound experience we may be undergoing in China, it’s not like they know how to party come May 2-4 weekend! After all, we reserved our spot at Wasaga Beach, like, back in January.

— non-Occidentally submitted by Cityslikr