All Fried Up In The Big Smoke

Less political. More fictional.

Toss Us A Bone, George

Posted on October 19, 2010 by "Brother" of Cityslikr

So it seems George Smitherman has unveiled the final act of his storybook – no, wait – Grimm Brothers march to the mayoralty. Rather than an uplifting coda, singing to us all about his plans to make Toronto a better place, he goes subterranean, pointing out the monster waiting under the bed if we don’t vote for him, appealing to our basest trait, fear. The picture perfect, logical conclusion to the most cold-blooded, calculating campaign in recent memory.

The Smitherman ploy? To hammer at the lingering progressive voters who haven’t yet jumped ship over at the Joe Pantalone camp, not with incentives or positive reasons as to why they should switch allegiance to Team Smitherman but because if they don’t… if they don’t… Mayor Rob Ford! Oogliebooglie!! And if that scary, scary scenario comes to pass, well, it’ll be everybody’s fault who didn’t vote for George. George’ll just be some innocent bystander. He told us so.

The man is kicking sand in our faces, people. He’s taunting us, brazenly running on a resolutely right wing platform and telling us that we over here on the left side of the political spectrum have no choice but to vote for him. Why? Because he’s not Rob Ford. That is the very definition of a deal with the devil.

Take Smitherman’s latest poke to the eye of progressives when he dropped by for a quick cup of coffee at last night’s 519 Community Centre debate. When asked if he supported safe injection sites, he rejected them out of hand, suggesting that he “…wasn’t convinced of its merits.” The former Minister of Health for Ontario isn’t convinced of the merits of safe injection sites?! You know who else isn’t convinced of the merits of safe injections sites, George? Rob Ford. And he’s an idiot.

If this were just an aberration or odd tic in Smitherman’s otherwise moderate campaign (and at this point, I’m not looking for anything more radical than moderate), it could be overlooked. Harm reduction is contentious. But it simply further tilts his candidacy further right into Ford Country.

A Pantalone-prone exaggeration? Smitherman’s proposed a one year tax freeze if elected. A tax freeze in the middle of a supposed financial crunch? You know who else loved to freeze taxes? Mel Lastman. He’s proposed to cut about 1300 jobs from City Hall (while increasing police numbers by 50 which would be half the number Rob Ford promises) through attrition while increasing service to the city’s citizens through the magical neo-conservative way of defying common sense. Less workers = more service. His transit plans are fuzzy at best, both bashing Transit City while expropriating most of it with minor tweaks to call it his own. And mysteriously, he’ll pull in a cool $100 mil from the province to chip into the TTC’s operating costs although he’s been castigating Pantalone and the current administration for always going to the province, cap in hand. Oh yeah, and he’s pledged a “time out on construction of new bike lanes on arterial roadways.”

George Smitherman has shown very little progressive tendencies during this campaign but since Rob Ford has shown none that somehow justifies Smitherman asking, no, demanding, our vote. Well, you know what? Fuck you, George. It’s going to take a lot more than scare tactics to pry my vote away.

So instead of meekly handing over our franchise simply because we’re frightened (and call it ‘strategic’), how be we demand at least a little quid pro quo? We don’t have to ask for the complete capitulation from George that he’s asking from us. Just a morsel. A tidbit. Throw us a bone, George, because simply campaigning on being less bad than Rob Ford isn’t going to do it.

How about something like this?

We here at All Fired Up in the Big Smoke vow to at least think about voting for George Smitherman if he pledges to adhere to the recommendations that emerge from the panel he promises to convene if elected, headed by John Sewell, to look into “restoring local decision-making and local democracy.” It ain’t much as we notice that he explicitly doesn’t mention ballot or voting reform and hems everything in by stating any recommendation cannot increase spending at City Hall. But, it’s something we could hold on to; to help rationalize and justify, even a little, to ourselves that by giving over our vote to such a despicable and disagreeable candidate, we weren’t completely selling our souls out of childish fear.

If every progressive voter who hadn’t yet gone over to the dark side demanded just one thing – a proper bike lane rethink, no increase to the police budget, a realistic transit plan – from George and all his minions out there, rustling up the scare, then at least we’d have something, an unwritten pact with the man. And if elected, he began to stray and ignore what he once promised to us, we would have a common cause, uniting us in dedication to chasing him from office in 2014. Progressives who’d sold out and bitter centrists, working together in a sweet sounding coalition called Anybody But George.

— defiantly submitted by Cityslikr

Meet A Mayoral Candidate XXI

Posted on July 16, 2010 by "Brother" of Cityslikr

It’s Friday and time for another Meet A Mayoral Candidate.

But first, a pop quiz. Which mayoral candidate said the following:

Again we have witnessed a regime taking the easy way out by abusing the poor taxpayer who after this latest tax increase may just have to turn in the keys to their home. Where is the vision in that? Where is the restraint and belt-tightening? Where are the real cuts necessary to combat the foolish and extravagant spending that has been going on far too long under this regime?

A) Rob Ford

B) George Smitherman

C) Rocco Rossi

D) Sarah Thomson

E) None of the above.

If you said ‘E’, none of the above, you are absolutely correct!

These are the words of JP Pampena, the Man With A Vision. (A punning reference to Mr. Pampena being blind for over 30 years after an adverse reaction to penicillin.)

Now maybe it’s people like us who are woefully out of step with the times. Our only tattoo is a single anchor on the forearm that signifies time spent in the merchant marines. We wear our pants over our hips not under (but not as high up as, say, Cary Grant did). And we have no idea who this Seamus O’Regan fella is. So the failure of comprehension could very well be on our part.

But why are there so many candidates out there running for mayor both above and below the sightlines that think the solution to all Toronto’s woes is that it be more like a business? I assume they mean like a successful business as opposed to, say, Eaton’s or the Lehman Brothers. It’s all Canada Inc. Ontario Corp. Toronto and Sons.

JP Pampena takes the idea to its logical extreme. If the city needs money, why not list it on the TSX? That’s right, put Toronto on the stock market. And while we’re at it, toss the TTC on too. I don’t know if it’s ever been tried before but certainly when Mr. Pampena “…discussed this idea with key people at the TSX and the Toronto Board of Trade…” a number of eyebrows were raised “but overall…received positive support…with many commenting that it is an interesting and intriguing concept that definitely merits further discussion.”

Now who am I to debate economic issues with the likes of the Toronto Stock Exchange or Board of Trade? I have no head for business. If I did, I certainly wouldn’t be writing a blog for free. But if we were to take the city and transit system public, wouldn’t investors start demanding more and more returns? So the city could no longer lose money or even be content to just break even. It would have to start making money. Ooops. There goes that underused bus route. Couldn’t we start charging for all those library books we now just lend. For free?!

For someone who claims to think outside the box Mr. Pampena, executive vice president of JP Public Relations Inc. and a successful entrepreneur who runs four different companies, he winds up sounding an awful lot like most of the front running candidates. Aside from a constant flow of private sector rhetoric, Mr. Pampena views bike lanes on the arterial roads as “boneheaded” and espouses largely unsubstantiated opinions about cycling that could come from the Rocco Rossi camp. “… a recipe for disaster that would punish city drivers with more gridlock and increase safety concerns for all users of the roads…putting bike lanes – segregated or not – on main arterial roads is simply a further attack perpetrated on motorists by car-phobic councilors.”

He’s against road tolls but, interestingly enough, for heated highways. Crime rates have reached such levels in Toronto for Mr. Pampena that he thinks it’s time to call in Curtis Sliwa and the Guardian Angels! Is he still doing that? The last time I saw him, I think he was the right middle square on Whoopi Goldberg’s Hollywood Squares.

“Who better than The Guardian Angels to help improve the safety of our students in the hallways and schoolyards of our schools, especially with their world-renown anti-bullying programs,” states Mr. Pampena.

Who better indeed?!

When we posed our question, If the present mayor would like his legacy to be that of the Transit Mayor, how would a Mayor Pampena like to see his legacy written?, he answered that a Mayor Pampena would like to be remembered as a “pro-taxpayer and pro-business mayor.” So if you don’t find any of the frontrunners pro-business-y or taxpayer-y enough, well JP Pampena may be the candidate for you.

Us? We are clearly out of step here, head tucked down against the prevailing winds. Waiting for the mayoral conversation to open up wider than simply balance sheets and business plans.

— dutifully submitted by Cityslikr

Two Wheels Can Kill

Posted on June 8, 2010 by

Two days ago, along with thousands of other cyclists, I braved a downpour as well as a nasty wind to cycle across parts of the Gardiner and up and down almost all of the DVP. The car-free event, called Ride for Heart has been an annual tradition in Toronto, this year being its 23^rd. The popular fundraiser raised an estimated 3.3 million for heart and stroke research. A close family member recently suffered a second stroke, so the ride and its purpose resonated even more powerfully for me this year. Given the tenacity, perseverance and courage my family member has demonstrated in recovering after the latest stroke, it seemed the least I could do was endure a bit of wetness and cold to raise awareness and cash. Given how well the event is organized and run each year with excellent, exuberant volunteers and copious water, fruit, and snacks at hand, I and the other cyclists were certainly well supported during the 25, 50 and 75 kilometre stages.

The constant rain and relatively strong wind before and during the first hour of the event made the route very treacherous however. Oil leaks from motorized vehicles, whose domain normally these routes are, combined with water made for a very slick surface especially during the downpour. Prudence and defensive riding techniques were clearly required by all riders.

Sadly, this was not to be the case. Within a few minutes after the commencement of the event, riders on higher-end ‘racing bikes’ broke out of the assembly of the riders to illustrate their need for speed. No matter that weather conditions made riding quite treacherous. Or that one could clearly see that the participants in this worthy cause demonstrated various levels of riding skills from novice to very proficient. And no matter that many families were participating with their children riding beside them on small bicycles or young ones being carried on the adult bikes in appropriate, safe ways.

No sooner had the ‘Lance Armstrongs’ of my particular group commenced breaking out when sirens of an ambulance and police motorcyclist were heard behind our group of riders, raising within me and some others around me feelings of anguish and concern. The emergency vehicles screamed past us as our pack of riders did our best to get out of the way without colliding with the motorized vehicles or each other. Within a minute or two, I came upon a very unsettling scene. A number of bicycles, four or five, lay in the centre lane of the eastbound Gardiner, tangled into each other. Two stretchers were being loaded with injured riders. One male rider seemed to be in great discomfort though his injuries were not readily apparent as we all endeavoured to ride around the collision scene as quickly but safely as possible. After hoping that the injured cyclists would recover quickly, I and others vocally stated the obvious to one another: The road was slick and caution was needed. And yahoo bicyclists, seeking a speed thrill despite the weather conditions and various experience levels of the other riders, should have done us all a favour and stayed at home before imperilling the ride participants.

It is true that I was not at the scene of the collision as it happened. And maybe it was not caused due to excessive speed and bravado though given the tangled bicycles and riders I suspect it was. But for whatever reason the accident may have occurred, it is amazing there were not more of them during the ride given the attitude of some of these two-wheeled speed freaks whipping in and out of packs of mostly family bicyclists out for a Sunday ride supporting a great cause.

I realize it must be a huge temptation to treat this annual ride by some very physical, aggressive cyclists as a ‘Tour de Toronto’ event akin to the popular French annual event, especially given the beckoning route which can only be ridden by cyclists once a year. The glaring difference, however, is that the French event is a competitive bike race involving prize money. The Toronto event is a charity event involving, as stated earlier, riders of all ages and proficiency and meant to be a pleasurable non-competitive event. If you Lances out there want to race against each other, by all means do. But do it on a course set up for that purpose that you have arranged yourselves with municipal approval.

Our bike paths and city cycling routes are not meant to be two-wheeled raceways. Often while cycling, I encounter bicyclists decked out in colourful riding wardrobe on expensive racer bikes hugging my rear wheel of my inexpensive but reliable bicycle and hurling insults at me to get out of the way as I am ‘slowing them down’. News flash to you dudes (they are almost always male): the paths are recreational ones, not high performance racetracks so don’t get your spokes and mine into a twist, literally.

I know, I know, you pay taxes and should be able to ride as fast as you want. But safety is an obvious issue. Cyclists are not licensed and therefore harder to police or fine when safety, speed or traffic common-sense is wilfully ignored. Also, riding on sidewalks where pedestrians could be injured, ignoring traffic laws and riding like a mad person in all environments is just plain dangerous. Pedestrians such as Cheng Li Jiang nor other riders should not have to die in senseless accidents involving two wheels. It should be remembered at all times that bicycles can severely injure and kill others, cyclists and pedestrians alike.

We cyclists will not receive respect from car drivers, pedestrians or municipal politicians if we continue to witness crazy yahoos speeding and biking recklessly. Please, slow down out there and remember the bikeways are for every one! Biking is fun but it needs to be safe. The need for speed on two wheels, unbridled and wanton, can kill!

– imploringly submitted by Distant Cousin