Temporarily Out Of Order


By the time you read this Cityslikr will be tucked comfortably away in seclusion, recuperating. Recuperating?! you bellow in concern. Recuperating from what? (Or maybe you’ll be thinking, finally, the bastard got what was coming to him.)

Either way, he’s fine, just a little wound.

We came into the office late last night, figuring to grab him for a quick drink and bite. Not to drink or bite him, we mean. That’s not how we roll around here.

He was hunched in front of the computer, staring crazily into the screen, shivering and muttering in what Acaphlegmic thought to be Farsi although, I’m not convinced he’s as well versed in languages as he likes to think he is.

Cityslikr wasn’t himself, let’s just say.

We gently coaxed him away from his desk and led him to his current place of repair.


Here’s a brief excerpt of what we found him to be working on when we entered:

What if they’re right? What if everything I was led to believe is wrong? What if unicorns can fly? [Note to self: Were unicorns able to fly? Or am I thinking dodos.
Dodos couldn’t fly. Could they? Note to self:]
It’s the Ford family that is mythical not unicorns.

Take a letter, Maria. Send it to my wife. Say I won’t be coming home. I’ve got to start a new life.

Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown.

But you know, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that lower taxes can buy subways. [Note to self: It’s not beyond the realm of possibility, is it? I mean, stranger things have turned out to ture. Not true. Ture. IT IS SO A WORD!!!] Should I strike that last Note to self out? What if I were to die right now and somebody found that just sitting on the computer, staring out at them… staring out at me. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, ETHERNETS?

You know, the last words Elvis Presley’s ever spoke were, I’m going up to do some reading. I read that in a newspaper account that’s on display in a Memphis police station.

The King died on the throne. It is the biggest open secret going right now. That and the suppressed fact pressure cookers are the leading cause of death in the home. Did you know that?

It was the palak paneer, people!

I too fear dying on the toilet. It’s why I never lock the bathroom door. Remember that when you next invite me to your house for dinner.

Ana Bailão can’t really vote in favour of a casino, can she? Troubling, troubling.


So it went for pages and pages and pages.

Let’s call this a little time out, shall we? A healing process. To get his shit back together. Cityslikr’s officially on the DL.

For how long?


We’re not sure. Acaphlegmic, who claims to have witnessed and participated in countless numbers of these emergencies, says Easter’s not out of the question. Definitely, for sure the April council meeting. Politically induced madness is almost always temporary here at All Fired Up in the Big Smoke.

nursingly submitted by Acaphlegmic and Urban Sophisticat

11 Responses to Temporarily Out Of Order

  1. Sonny says:

    Hey Cat!; City would have gone to the Executive Committee tomorrow where they would have ignored the community consultation results opposing a Casino in Toronto. Given that it was Ford appointees they would have voted in favor for it and it would lose to a majority of councilors April 3/4

    That is why the Fordites delayed the voting to April and for Council; May. To lift City’s spirits. Lindsay Luby who beat Ford in 1997 which he called a waste of skin could be the deciding vote since she is opposed to a downtown Casino but for it in Etobicoke yet there are no designs…

    P.S. In Greece, Pegasus could fly… cue the R. Kelly music

  2. Simon Says says:

    See that the countless string of legal horseshoes that RF had this year must have broken the spirit of Cityslikr.

  3. shelley carroll says:

    Hey City Slikr, First rule of politics. Take care of yourself. Take care of the one you love. You will be more effective. Get well, be well. We will all still be here when you are better. Fortunaely or unfortunately, politics is always still there when you get back.

    • Sonny says:

      In the mean time, an acquaintance showed me copy of the March 2013 Toronto Life that had an article on page 28 – “In Defence of Rob Ford” It mentioned you & Vaughan…

  4. Patrick Smyth says:

    Don’t let TO Council get to you. I’ve been in its orbit for over 18 years as a community leader and watched it disintegrate into the current farce. All through that time I know the clowns hoped I’d go away. That’s what usually happens and why so few take an interest or vote, Make no mistake, there’s few on Council without blame. Just look how few, if any, times Cllr Stintz complained about the over-capacity of trains arriving in her Ward. She opposed TC, then supported it, joined with Ford’s “subways, subways” mantra and now flipped again. That kind of immoral inconsistency is going on in many Wards. I hope you’re back soon and broaden your focus. I’ll soon have a story for you on how 28 Councillors eliminated Affordable Housing in my community. Seems it’s good enough for some Wards but not mine, even though we want more Affordable Housing!

  5. Sonny says:

    It could be you. Ford is the Mayor and couldn’t get private money for subways. He now wants Federal Infrastructure money… Stintz is sticking with the Transit City plan that is funded. There is not enough ridership to justify a Sheppard OR Finch subway as stated by Ford on Friday…

    Since you don’t like Stintz, just don’t vote for her.

    Under Miller we got the Pan Am Games where the Athlete’s village will become affordable housing. How much has been initiated by Ford?

  6. Patrick Smyth says:

    Ask not what Ford has done for Affordable Housing.

    Ask why Augimeri, Carroll, Davis, Fletcher, McConnell and Vaughan (to name a few) voted with Stintz to eliminate Affordable Housing.

    Some don’t care who screws them but, can you say you would expect those councillors to kill Affordable Housing?

  7. Patrick Smyth says:

    Sonny, Ford voted against Stintz and crew. They voted to kill affordable housing, Ford opposed them.

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