“You know in the Matrix, how we were living in a computer simulation?”
“Is that what it was about?”
“You didn’t see the Matrix, Em?”
“I saw it. I just didn’t care.”
“What do you mean you didn’t care?”
“I didn’t care. Some futuristic sci-fi martial arts movie. All I remember is the red pill, blue pill business. And really, I didn’t even get that. That’s how little I cared.”
“Seriously, M. They are people who didn’t give a rat’s ass about the Matrix. Believe it or not.”
“Maybe in the circles you run in. Anyway, what I was going to say here, was that if the Matrix proposed we were living inside a computer simulation, I’d argue that, in fact, what we’re actually living inside is a reality show.”
“So, more like the Truman Show then?”
“Well… now that you mention it. Yeah. More like the Truman Show.”
“Right. Good conversation. Took me right back to the 90s.”
“OK. But what if the franchise has been rebooted?”
“The Truman Show franchise?”
“Yeah. Go with me on this. Instead of a movie studio running things, it’s a tech company and the only actor playing a role is Donald Trump. The rest of us are like, computer generated characters, contesting not so much for prize packages but our continued survival. Instead of saying, You’re Fired! Trump says, You’re deported!”
“Nah, nah, nah, nah. We’re not computer generated. Trump is. Dude died in the 1980s, maybe 90s. One stiffed creditor too many. Or maybe the Russian mob. Either way. He’s long since dead but been brought back to life, probably by that Apprentice guy, Mark Burnett. He’s recreated Trump as a sinister avatar, representing all that is KAOS evil with corporate avarice and rule.”
“I like it. Go on.”
“Elon Musk? Computer generated.”
“I can see that.”
“JD Vance? Couldn’t possibly be a real person. Every deplorable male trait imaginable packaged into an ill-fitting suit. Tell me I’m wrong?”
“You are not wrong. No real person could be that dimly despicable. I agree.”
“That Hillbilly Elegy? The very first best-selling non-fiction written by a large language model. I mean, have you read it?”
“I saw the movie.”
“Did you believe a word of it?”
“Not a word.”
“There may be a few others, computer simulations of people, that Nazi Secretary of Defense dude, most of the top brass, let’s go with that. 
“So, we’re not existing in a computer simulation at the moment, is what you’re saying here. We’re trying to avoid being sucked into one. That the premise you’re pitching, Em?”
“Yeah. That’s the reality aspect of the reality TV angle. Keepin’ it real.”
“Good working title.”
“Yeah. Not bad, eh? And here’s one of the twists. Those on the dark side, the MAGA clan. They want the computer simulation to win. They hate their lives so much on the outside—”
“In the real world.”
“In the real world, yeah. Too much PC, women’s lib, equal rights, cancel culture. They want to go back to an earlier, much less complicated time.”
“An imaginary time.”
“An imaginary time, yeah. An imaginary time that the computer simulations promise them. When men were men, women were women, and people of all other non-white colours knew their place. Where everybody pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps. That’s what they want. That’s why they’re trying so hard to destroy this world we’re living in—”
“The so-called ‘real’ world.”
“Yep. To move on to the new, computer-generated world.”
“Sort of like the technological rapture.”
“Exactly. And in preparation, M, the real adherents, the true believers, they’re already getting into character.”
“Getting into character?”
“Yep.”
“Have you heard about the Mar-A-Lago face?” “Why are you whispering, Em?” “Because it makes it sounds all hush-hush and on the down low.” “OK. Noted. Can we pump the volume back up now?” “Sure.”
“Mar-A-Lago face. Heard about it?”
“I have not. What’s Mar-A-Lago face?”
“It’s when, in real life, you remake yourself to look like a computer avatar.”
“What?”
“Yeah. It’s a technological form of self-determination. Instead of adopting an AI-generated avatar upon your entrance into the computer realm—”
“The simulation.”
“That’s right. You do it beforehand. Leave nothing to chance. Not subject to some algorithmic whimsy. This is the face you’re going to have for eternity after all. In technological perpetuity. You want to get that shit just right.”
“So, we’re talking what, here? Plastic surgery? Implants and cosmetic reconstruction?”
“Eventually. But you might start out with just some heavy-handed use of make-up. Industrial strength maquillage, as they say in MAGA society circles.”
“Do they now? I find that a little hard to believe.”
“In whispers, M. For fear of sounding overly elitist.”
“They’re trying to lock down that perfect look to please the King.”
“At the court of Mar-A-Lago.”
“Exactly. Where there’s no mistaking the boys for the girls, if you know what I mean.”
“Not like in the real world.”
“Exactly. You get it, M. Then they might move on to more permanent fixtures. Filling in the gaps that can’t be blushed or rouged away. Sharpening the round edges. The point being, to no longer look human. To look totally manufactured and plastic as if you’d been ordered online and delivered by Amazon, right out of the box. That’s the goal here.”
“I’m ready for my computer simulation, Mr. DeMille!”
“There you go.”
“And we’re like the dissidents here then. The rebels. The outlaws. Untouched up. Just as God himself made us. Trying to impress no one.”
“Shopworn and Proud! is our battle cry.”
“Speak for yourself, Em. Time has not left its mark on me just yet.”
“You sure about that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing… it’s just…”
“What?”
“No. Some people can pull of the jowly look. You’re right.”
“Jowly?!”
“Ever thought about growing a beard, M?”
“Piss off! I am hardly jowly.”
“Not yet, no. But I’m just saying, there are signs. And you might want to get ahead of it. Be proactive. Define yourself, don’t let others define you. Is all I’m saying.”
“Hold on, here. We’re the good guys in this scenario. Why are you telling me I need a face lift?”
“This is not about needing or not needing any sort of cosmetic surgery, M. It’s about making a statement.”
“A statement?”
“About who you are and what you stand for. And if ‘grizzled’ is the face you’re putting forward to the future, well, God bless you, sir.”
“Now you’re just being mean, Em.”
“It’s a cold new world out there, babe. Nothing else matters but appearances. Get used to.”
“I don’t think I like this game anymore.”
“You so wouldn’t have made it as a girl, M. Let me tell you.”