A Letter From Our Mayor (With Some Early Edits)

April 25, 2014

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Dear Friends (Folks, really. But I’m trying to be all mayor formal here.),

Over the last few days, we have heard a lot of talk about Toronto Community Housing. (Disregard everything you’ve heard. All of it was lies, political smear jobs and witch hunting.)

I am here today to ask people to put politics aside (Politics in its original meaning, meaning views of those who oppose or disagree with me. Look it up.) and look at what is best for both the staff, and the residents of Toronto Community Housing. (FORD MORE YEARS! FORD MORE YEARS!)

Four years ago, Toronto Community Housing was in a state of disarray – overspending, ineffective operations, and a culture of entitlement (David Miller. BOOGILY-BOOGILY!!) meant that the TCH didn’t work for the people it was supposed to serve.

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Over $90,000 spent on 2 Christmas parties, chocolates, manicures, and boat cruises, just to name a few items. (Please avert your eyes from the nearly $1.4 million increase in severance payouts since I became mayor over the previous 3 years. Nothing to see there.)

When I became Mayor I vowed to clean up this mess. (And build subways. And make no service cuts, guaranteed.)

We made some tough decisions that were necessary to get things working again. (Which totally explains why both the state of good repair backlog and waiting list for housing at the TCHC has increased during my time in office… No, wait. It doesn’t. Never mind. Delete! DELETE!)

Working with the Board a new CEO was hired and new senior management – with strong and clear mandates (Remember, folks. Having a mandate means doing whatever you want to do regardless of rules and regulations. Sometimes that even means kicking out old freeloaders who don’t pay their rent. There’s no ‘t’ or ‘c’ or ‘h’ in free lunch.) – to make Toronto Community Housing work for the people of Toronto.

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Eugene Jones has done what was necessary to root out the people at TCH who were working in an environment of entitlement. (Burn, burn, BURN, BURN IT TO THE GROUND!!!!) He is bringing people on board who see the work that needs to be done, they are getting it done, and they are the right people for the job. (Team players. Team Ford players. God bless Ford Nation.)

Eugene Jones was brought to TCH to clean up a mess. (It’s messy, cleaning up messes. You can’t clean up a mess without creating a mess. Without a mess to clean up, you can’t clean up any messes.) It’s a simple as that folks. (Never ever think anything is complicated. It only leads to having to clean up messes.) Corruption (Completely different from cronyism. Corruption leads to messes. Cronyism cleans up messes.), waste, and poor service to tenants were major problems and Eugene was told to clean it up. He has done an excellent job in doing so. (Didn’t I tell you to ignore those increases in state of good repair backlogs and housing waiting list?)

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Tomorrow morning, the Board of Toronto Community Housing will meet to decide the future of Eugene Jones. The meeting starts at 8:00 AM at their head office, 931 Yonge St, just north of Yonge & Davenport. (8a.m. is a bit early for the hardest working mayor Toronto has ever had. I’ll be there in spirit, and even then, probably late.)

Come out and show support for a man whose key message has always been to Put The Tenants First. (Bet you didn’t know that, did you? Because I just made it up for this letter.) Show your support for Eugene Jones. (Never mind. Show your support for Eugene Jones by re-electing me this October so I can re-hire Eugene Jones. FORD MORE YEARS! FORD MORE YEARS! ME AND MR. JONES! ME AND MR. JONES! But I’m totally not playing politics with this.)

As always, please contact me at 416-397-FORD (3673) or email me at mayor_ford@toronto.ca if I can ever be of assistance to you. (And I’m desperately trying to replace that voters’ list I lost in one of my drunken stupors, probably.)

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Yours truly,

Mayor Rob Ford

 

OFFICE OF THE MAYOR

Mayor Ford’s Four Priorities:

1 Customer Service Excellence (Through Creating A Culture Of Fear)

2 Transparent & Accountable Government (The Ombudsman Has To Go)

3 Reduced Cost and Size of Government (See Point 1. It’s Just Basic Math)

4 Transportation City (Subways, Subways, Subways)