If it’s Friday, it must be time to Meet A Mayoral Candidate!
This week, John Letonja, Your Next Toronto Mayor.
A truck driver, hobbyist and proudly self-proclaimed fringe candidate, Mr. Letonja would run the city just like a business if elected mayor. But it would be like no business you’ve ever seen. Sort of DIY, with everybody pitching in.
Why would we all do this? So we wouldn’t have to pay the level of taxes we do now. Like almost every candidate running in 2010, Mr. Letonja wants to cut taxes, feeling that we are spending too much of our time bending over and getting screwed by politicians.
But as mayor, John Letonja wouldn’t be all work and no play. He’d legalize what he refers to as “the sweet leaf and hashish”. Apparently, the church fully endorses the idea. Beer would be allowed inside polling booths as long as it was in cans and not bottles although drinking and voting would be that much easier if we could simply vote online which is an idea Mr. Letonja fully backs.
Mr. Letonja would also introduce a new sport just in time for the Pan-Am games in 2015. It’s called Wacky fastball (probably played under the influence of the sweet leaf and hashish) and seems to be a blend of soccer, basketball, ultimate Frisbee and touch football. A player cannot ‘push, hold, punch, kick, trip, or any unlawful act’ against another player. A 5 minute penalty will result in any such infraction. However, a player ‘will not get a penalty for accidentally kicking or reflecting the ball at a player’s nuts or face.’ All the rules to the game can be read near the end of the John Letonja Initiative.
Perhaps rather than looking at John Letonja as a viable mayoralty candidate, he is best viewed as a Dada performance artist. He spouts largely incoherent nonsense but how is that any different from what most of the other leading, ‘serious’ candidates for mayor are giving us? Yet they are deemed to be significant contenders. Clearly this suggests that the race is nothing more than a subjective beauty contest, run by those willing to do the dirty work of the highest bidder.
Yeah. I’m pretty sure that’s what the John Letonja Initiative is trying to tell us. If he’s a joke then they’re all jokes, the race for mayor is a joke.
— dutifully submitted by Cityslikr