And A Good Friday To You

Making my way to where I was going yesterday, I just so happened to fall in behind a couple guys. Nothing in particular stood out about them. Both younger than I am, wearing baseball hats and smoking. homelessOne of them carried a knapsack on his back.

Two dudes, walking and chatting.

“… you still staying at the Scott Mission?” the knapsack-less man asked the other.

I don’t know why I was surprised. That’s not true. I know exactly why I was surprised. Neither one of these guys looked homeless. Whatever the fuck that means. They had shoes! Their hair wasn’t greasy! They talked in complete sentences!

Sometimes I sicken myself.toff

Turns out the guy was no longer staying at the Scott Mission. When asked why, he seemed sheepish about providing an answer until goaded into a response. “Hey! I’m not fucking judging you,” his friend assured him. (No. Leave that to me, the total stranger walking behind you, trying hard not to look like I’m eavesdropping.)

It seems the guy had left the Scott Mission because he’d found himself a nice private spot in an underground parking lot. At which point of time in the conversation, the two gentlemen stepped aside and let me pass by. Evidently, my breathing down their necks to hear every word made for an uneasy chat between them.

As many of you know I am not a religious man. But today, on the holiest of holy days for many Christians, when Jesus Christ died for our sins, it’s hard not to conclude He may well have died in vain. sgtschultzWe collectively are terrible, terrible people.

Nobody voluntarily or contentedly sleeps in an underground parking lot. There’s a series of obstacles, setbacks and just flat out ill-luck that places someone in that kind of precarious situation. Choice does not factor into such an equation.

We blithely shrugged our shoulders during the coldest parts of this winter when it was reported that our homeless shelters only bulged to 96% capacity. Some even patting themselves on the back for a job well done. See? Nobody who wanted a place to sleep was left out in the cold. We did our job.

Even if that number and claim was right, and we know neither one was factually robust, shouldn’t it be a shameful statistic rather than something to crow about? Our shelter and social housing system is bursting at the seams but, hey, our numbers prove — if you look at them in just the right light — that we’re on top of it. Nothing to see here.whatareyougoingtodo

I write that paragraph knowing how facile it is. There is no simple solution. The causes are manifold and the levels of approaches needed are many. We have been left to our own devices on the issues of housing and social programs by successive provincial and federal governments for at least a decade and a half now.

But throwing up our hands and wondering what else we can do is a cop out. At least, it’s not something Jesus would do if I recall my Sunday school sermons and lessons correctly. Unless, of course, we chalk up fair and humane public policy to rendering onto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s and declare ourselves off the hook. That’s allowed, right? Decontextualizing scripture to use as justification for non-Christian behaviour?

We’ve backed down from fighting the big fights or trying to right the big wrongs. There is no grand enterprise. whatwouldjesusdoWe simply content ourselves with bitching about small potatoes like how many TTC fare collectors make a six figure salary as if putting a stop to that is going to miraculously feed our hungry and house our homeless. It’s like some demented rationalization that goes to prove governments can’t do anything right so we should stop expecting them to.

If the 1st-century C.E. population was anything like it is today, so petty, resentful, small-minded, I’m thinking Jesus got himself crucified in order to escape them not save them. Expecting Him to return any time soon is probably futile. Some 2000 years on, we’ve hardly done anything to entice Him back to save our sorry asses.

disappointingly submitted by Cityslikr

Everything’s Hunky Dory

hunkydory

I’m as touched as someone without a living soul can be with the concern for my well being a few of our reader’s have shown during a brief absence here at All Fired Up in the Big Smoke.

To be clear: all’s well. There were never any problems except maybe granting posting permission to a couple layabouts in the hope that they might contribute a thing or two while I went off line. Instead, you received a fabrication and fantasy.

Oh well. Live and learn, I guess.

unreliablenarrator

But, as some of our harshest critics have pointed out time and again, never believe anything that you read here, at least not until getting a second confirmation, and only then if you fully trust your source. Nobody gets hurt or worried that way.

frankly submitted by Cityslikr

Temporarily Out Of Order

technicaldifficulties

By the time you read this Cityslikr will be tucked comfortably away in seclusion, recuperating. Recuperating?! you bellow in concern. Recuperating from what? (Or maybe you’ll be thinking, finally, the bastard got what was coming to him.)

Either way, he’s fine, just a little wound.

We came into the office late last night, figuring to grab him for a quick drink and bite. Not to drink or bite him, we mean. That’s not how we roll around here.

He was hunched in front of the computer, staring crazily into the screen, shivering and muttering in what Acaphlegmic thought to be Farsi although, I’m not convinced he’s as well versed in languages as he likes to think he is.

Cityslikr wasn’t himself, let’s just say.

We gently coaxed him away from his desk and led him to his current place of repair.

technicaldifficulties2

Here’s a brief excerpt of what we found him to be working on when we entered:

What if they’re right? What if everything I was led to believe is wrong? What if unicorns can fly? [Note to self: Were unicorns able to fly? Or am I thinking dodos.
Dodos couldn’t fly. Could they? Note to self:]
It’s the Ford family that is mythical not unicorns.

Take a letter, Maria. Send it to my wife. Say I won’t be coming home. I’ve got to start a new life.

Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown.

But you know, it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that lower taxes can buy subways. [Note to self: It’s not beyond the realm of possibility, is it? I mean, stranger things have turned out to ture. Not true. Ture. IT IS SO A WORD!!!] Should I strike that last Note to self out? What if I were to die right now and somebody found that just sitting on the computer, staring out at them… staring out at me. WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT, ETHERNETS?

You know, the last words Elvis Presley’s ever spoke were, I’m going up to do some reading. I read that in a newspaper account that’s on display in a Memphis police station.

The King died on the throne. It is the biggest open secret going right now. That and the suppressed fact pressure cookers are the leading cause of death in the home. Did you know that?

It was the palak paneer, people!

I too fear dying on the toilet. It’s why I never lock the bathroom door. Remember that when you next invite me to your house for dinner.

Ana Bailão can’t really vote in favour of a casino, can she? Troubling, troubling.

CYPRESS!!

So it went for pages and pages and pages.

Let’s call this a little time out, shall we? A healing process. To get his shit back together. Cityslikr’s officially on the DL.

For how long?

technicallydifficulties3

We’re not sure. Acaphlegmic, who claims to have witnessed and participated in countless numbers of these emergencies, says Easter’s not out of the question. Definitely, for sure the April council meeting. Politically induced madness is almost always temporary here at All Fired Up in the Big Smoke.

nursingly submitted by Acaphlegmic and Urban Sophisticat